Perfection as defined by Japanese

Apparently the computer giant IBM decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they set out that they will accept only three defective parts per 10,000. When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter.

'We, Japanese people, had a hard time understanding North American business practices.
But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment in a separate packaging clearly mentioned
' Defective pieces as required, not for use'.
Hope this pleases you.'   

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Shared by Guru,Vinay Hegde

Social Animal

If human is a social animal, Facebook is world's biggest Zoo :)

First civilization can be Form Villa ?

How Men-Women talk

TWO WOMEN TALKING:

Woman1 : Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

Woman2 : Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman1 : No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

Woman2 : Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman1 : Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.

Woman2 : Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier .... ...... ........... ........ ........ .......... ...... .... .........

...

...

...

...

...

...

NOW, TWO MEN TALKING

Man1 : Haircut?

Man2 : Yeah.

The End

-prati

I was in flight, was going to onsite once again. Was very happy plane takes off, n takes me to the sky. I looked outside the window, nice evening scene, feels like heaven. I just lost myself in that beauty.

Someone's voice disturbed me "excuse me sir, would you like to have something?" I turned back, and was surprise to see my beautiful old schoolmate, Saakshi.

"Hey Saakshi, is that you, how come you... Wow, you looks still the same, pretty.. In this Air-hostess suit"

"Paras, wo.....w, I can’t believe this is you.. Ohh sorry I am on my job, will talk to you later"

She left smile on my face. I coudnt believe in my eyes, It reminded me my school days memories. How crazy I was about her, always followed her after the school, wrote love letters, but never dared to give one of them. Always looking at her in the class, From last bench. She was the queen of our class. I fought with 2-3 other guys for her, how stupid I was.

I coudnt stop myself, looking at her again, I was amazed to see that, she became more beautiful then she were at school. She too looked at me and smile, then she said something to her fellow air-hostess, then they both started smiling. I was clueless that wat happened. Her colleague was also damn pretty. Oh my god, today you fulfil one of my dream.

I thought of going there and having chat with her, but I knew that, its her job, so I stopped myself. Again started looking outside the window. We were above the clouds making an awesome scene outside, also inside, because of her smile.

I got some courage, I looked at her, she understood what I desired.

She came toward me and said : "extremly sorry yaar, I couldn't talk to you much, So say how are you, where have you been these many years, and whats your success story? For what purpose you are going?"

"hmmm... I was always there, it was you who left everything after school, I searched you, so many places wherever I could, but no existence of you. Then I completed my college, got a job in such a nice company, I didn't know, my company will give me this much, still I m going for an onsite Job, don't know when will return back. You know, I got everything in my life except someone, with whom I can actually share my world, my success.

Someone..."

I looked straight into her eyes.. Those blue eyes, I think she got the answer, who is that 'someone'

With some pain in her eyes, she said, "sorry got to go,will give you my number"

I again, sat back to my seat,very silent, looking outside, and hoping some answer. It was dark outside by that time, some thunder in cloud, just like inside my heart. Then suddenly, plane started getting hiccups.. Everone got scared..

I saw Saakshi running towards mic, she made an announcement, that don't be panic as they are facing a storm outside.

But plane started shaking badly, everyone started feeling its the last moment of their lives...

I keep on watching Saakshi, and she to me...

Then something hit my back hard.. And there was a complete darkness in front of me..

Deep silent, but I could still feel the shaking plane, and people's scream..

Then someone shouted... 'Paaaaarrrrrrraaaaaasssss !!!!!'

"Paras, wake up you are again sleeping in office, wake up, I need that report urgently"

Damn.. I looked here-there, same ODC, no Onsite, no plane.. No Saakshi..

I stared at my PM in anger.. Because of you only, that plane crashed!!

I STILL DON'T KNOW, WHY IT HAPPENS DAILY BETWEEN 1 TO 2pm.

DIET

DIET -> Did I Eat That?

Good definition by VB

Good Quotes!

Latest Quotes from VB(Vijay Bhaskar)

1. Now I'm trying to read an article about how to RELAX, but I keep falling ASLEEP....
2. Everyone makes mistakes but only ur girlfriends, wife n boss hav gifted talent of finding,remembering and reminding it to U! :)
3. I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words!
4. I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words!

Reasons not to mess with children.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like..'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture..
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty..'

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples..'

Shared by Shridhar Hegde
Have fun :)

Lost

Shared by Divya




A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. 
She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me Sir, can you help me? I promised a friend, I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
''You must be an engineer," said the lady balloonist. "I am", replied the man. 'How did you know?'
''Well", answered the lady in the balloon, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip even more."
The engineer below responded, "You must be in Top Management." ''I am", replied the lady balloonist, "but, how did you know?''
"Well," said the Engineer, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you, to solve your problems."   

Its all about Rajani

Origial Article Link


Have you heard the one about how Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone?

What do you do to kill time when you are at the back of a serpentine line-up in front of a cinema hall selling Endhiran tickets? Tell Rajanikanth jokes, of course.

A host of one-liners extolling the Tamil superstar has the Internet buzzing ahead of the release of his mega movie Endhiran/The Robot.

Tickets for Endhiran sold out within an hour of the opening of bookings in Tamil Nadu, a week ahead of the film’s release.

Absurd in their improbability but increasingly imaginative, Rajanikanth jokes draw inspiration from the actor’s larger than life persona on and off screen.

Capable of drawing a guffaw from even the staunchest of Rajini critics, the jokes vary from witty to the downright ridiculous.

Sample this. When Rajanikanth does push-ups, he isn't lifting himself up. He is pushing the earth down.

Mostly the jokes are a fallback on veteran martial arts expert and actor Chuck Norris who can give the Tamil superstar a run for his money, which die-hard Rajini fans will undoubtedly debate.

After serving in the United States Air Force, Norris started his own martial arts school and starred in television series Walker, Texas Ranger. Multiplying and mutating over the internet, the jokes on Norris have found their way to India, only Norris is replaced with Rajanikanth.

Norris’ huge popularity started a cult-like following on the internet, which was later satirized and popularized further by late night anchors on US television such as Connan O’Brien. Jokes on Norris’ strength, physique, abilities, body hair and virility started a whole new fad in America.

Norris fans started the no-brainer “There is no such thing as evolution. It's just a list of creatures that Chuck Norris has allowed to live.” Rajini fans responded in kind: Rajanikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald's, and got it.

The Norris factoids, as the jokes are popularly known, became a phenomenon in popular culture through repetition and expanded to include other figures as well.

The Rajanikanth factoids, attributing impossible feats to the action hero, have found their way through the word of mouth in college campuses, cafeterias and offices.

Circulated as forwarded mails and mobile text messages, writers of the Rajanikanth one-liners are constantly vying to outdo themselves.

Here’s the proof. Rajanikanth will attain separate statehood in 2013. Or this. Rajanikanth doesn't move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajanikanth.

From the most common bullet jokes - the action superstar splits a bullet in two to kill two villains at one time - to killing the Dead Sea, Rajanikanth quips have found their way into Indian popular culture, irrespective of geographical boundaries.

Here are some of the Rajini one-liners from the Internet you shouldn’t miss:

• Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
• Rajanikanth can slam a revolving door.
• Rajanikanth destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
• Rajanikanth has counted to infinity, twice.
• Rajanikanth once got into a knife-fight. The knife lost.
• Rajanikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Rajanikanth lives in Chennai.
• Rajanikanth does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
• Rajanikanth knows Victoria's secret.
• Water boils faster when Rajanikanth stares at it.
• Rajanikanth kills two stones with one bird.
• Google won't find Rajanikanth because you don't find Rajanikanth; Rajanikanth finds you.
• Rajanikanth can answer a missed call.
• Rajanikanth can speak Braille.
• Rajanikanth can dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks.
• Rajanikanth calls Voldemort by his name.
• Chuck Norris once met Rajanikanth. The result - He was reduced to a joke on the internet.
• Rajanikanth’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.
• Rajanikanth grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
• Rajanikanth once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
• Rajanikanth doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
• In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
• Rajanikanth knows what women really want.
• Rajanikanth doesn't need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates.
• Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajanikanth”.
• There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was feeling cold, so brought the sun closer to heat the earth up.

Rajanikanth's first job was as a bus conductor. There were no survivors.

Pick a winner, if you dare.
Few more search results

• Rajinikanth can build a snowman….. out of rain. 
• Rajinikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone. 
• Rajinikanth can drown a fish. 
• When Rajinikanth enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,……… …. he turns the dark off.
• When Rajinikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajinikanth and Rajinikanth.
• RajiniKanth killed the dead sea.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajinikanth has allowed to live.
• Rajnikanth Got the Driving License at the age of 16 seconds
• It takes Rajnikant 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes.
•  Rajanikath also deleted recycle bin.
• Rajnikanth's email id – gmail@rajnikanth.com
• Rajnikanth gave Mona Lisa that smile.

CID Version Ending of 3 idiots

After Rancho suddenly disappears from ICE, Raju and Farhan Decide to call the world famous CID.

ACP: Ohh MY GODD !!! Rancho Gayab hai !! Abhijeet, Daya...campus ko acchi tarah se CHECK KARO !! Woh zaroor koi na koi suraag chhod gaya hoga !! (Shaking his finger)

(After searchin the campus like a pair of buffoons...Abhijeet and Daya find out that Joy had committed suicide 4 years back in the campus...)

Abhijeet: Sir, Mamla Gadbad hai...Yaha kisi joy naam ke student NE aatma-hatya ki thi 4 saal pehle. Lagta hai woh aatma hatya nahi...khoon tha...aur shayad khooni yeh rancho hi hoga !!!

ACP: OHH MY GODD !!!

ACP: Yeh joy ki kabar khod ke uski laash bahar nikalo...aur use forensic lab me leke aao...Dr. Salunkhe zarur koi na koi baat ughalva denge iss murde aadmi se !!

(after fredricks does all the digging and brings out the dead body of joy...and the next scene is of the forensic lab)

Dr. Salunkhe: ACP, bahot jaldi laash laaye tum...isse kuch bulvana mushkil hoga...lekin tum tension mat lo...tum Dr. Salunkhe ke lab se khali haat nahi jaoge..koi na koi raaz toh pata chal hi jayega

(after playin with some colour changing liquids)

Dr. Salunkhe : BOSS...tumne kaha isski maut suicide se hui hai...main kehta hu..iska khoon hua hai !!

ACP: Salunkhe !!! Mazaak ka waqt nahi hai !!...yeh kaise ho sakta hai??

Salunkhe: BOSS...sab kuch mumkin hai !! Yeh dekho...(shows him his star-trek type computer and does some really fast typing)

ACP: OHH MY GODD !! (still shaking his finger)....toh phir yeh baat hamein kisi NE batayi kyu nahi ??...ek kaam karo...uss principal ko yahaan leke aao bureau me...AB kya sach hai..wahi hamein batayega !!

(virus is brought to the bureau)

Virus: Sssir, mujhe yahaan kyun bulaya hai...Maine kuch nahi kiya

Abhijeet: sach sach batao...uss raat campus me kya hua tha???

Virus: sssir, main sssach bol raha hu...mujhe kuch nahi pata hai??

(daya gives him his special CHAMAAAT !!!)

Daya: Ab yaad aaya kuch???

Virus: Haan Sir, sab yaad AA gaya...Bata ta hu...sab Bata ta hu !

Fredricks: (constipated look)..sir.. daya sir ke chamaat me toh jaadu hai...iska 'sssss' kehna band ho gaya

ACP: Fredricks..chup raho !!

Virus: uss raat sab logo NE gay party ki thi....sab log apni underwear me campus me ghoom rahe the....main bhi tha...lekin mere saath koi flirt hi nahi kar raha tha...isliye main bahot gusse me tha...phir Joy aaya aur usne mujhe uska helicopter dikhaya...Maine uska helicopter gutter me fek diya..toh woh rote rote apne room me chale gaya. Aur next din humne dekha toh uska murder ho gaya tha...lekin aap please yeh baat kisi se boliye mat...college ki badnaami ho jayegi...

ACP: hum kisi ko nahi batayenge... tum hamare saath co-operate karo

(virus leaves)

ACP: yahaan kuch toh gadbad hai daya....aisa kaise ho sakta hai ki campus me khoon ho gaya aur kisi NE CID ko bulaya hi nahin??

Abhijeet: sir shayad logo ko pata hai...ki pehle police ko bulana chaiye...CID ko nahi !!

ACP: Aur yeh kaise hua ki khooni campus me AA gaya..aur campus se khoon kar ke nikal gaya??

Vivek : Sir, shayad yeh bhi ho sakta hai ki khooni koi student hi ho?

ACP: haan vivek...kuch bhi ho sakta hai...kuch bhi (shaking finger)..ek kaam karo abhijeet...phir se campus me chalte hain...aur acchi tarah se check karte hain...yahaan daal me kuch kaala hai !!

Abhijeet: sir daal me kala nahi...puri daal mere jaisi kaali hi hai !!

(they reach the campus in their ol' faithful qualis which changes colour every episode...but the number plate is still the same...and daya slams the breaks....SCCHRREEE ECH !!)

ACP: Abhijeet, Vivek tum pura campus CHECK KARO....Daya tum iss campus ke saare DARWAAZE TOD DO !!....Fredricks. ..tum sab logo ko tumhare jokes se entertain karo...aur main yahaan baith ke apni ungli hilata hu....chalo sab apne apne kaam pe lag jaao !!

(after checking the campus)

Vivek: Sir, yahaan aiye....yeh dekho...yeh ek chatur naam ke ladke ki diary mili hai sir...isme likha hai ki woh rancho aur rancho ek dusre ke dushman the...aur woh rancho se badla Lena chahta tha !!

ACP : (shaking finger...as usual)...OHH MY GODD !!! AB yeh Chatur kaun hai...aur iske room se itni baas kyun AA rahi hai !!...Good work vivek !!...iss evidence ko forensic lab Le jao !

Abhijeet: Haain !!! Sir, dheere dheere sab pata chal raha hai...shayad se iss chatur NE hi joy ka khoon kiya hoga !! Aur rancho kahaan gaya...usse hi pata hoga !!

ACP: Toh bulao iss Chatur ko Bureau mein...isse hi pooch ke dekhte hain !!

(chatur in interrogation)

ACP: Rancho kahaan hai ??

Chatur : I Don't Know Sir !! Mujhe nahi pata !!

Abhijeet: Dekho Sach Sach Batao !! Hamein yeh diary mili hai tumhare room se...isme saaf saaf likha hai ki tumhein rancho se jalan thi

Chatur : (over-acting) ...mujhe nahi pata hai sir !! maine kuch nai kiya hai

(Daya gives ONE TIGHT SLAP and the chair spins)

Chatur: Haan haan...maine hi khoon kiya tha joy ka...kyonki usne mechanical helicopter banaya tha project me...aur maine sirf paper ka rocket banaya tha....boo hoo hoo !! Lekin phir woh kambakht Rancho aa gaya...usne mujhe dekh liya tha...isliye maine usko bhi gayab kar diya

ACP: waah...kya plan banaya tha...lekin afsos tum CID ke saamne kamiyaab nahi ho paaye...ab banate rehna plan...JAIL me...

Tumhe toh FAASI hogi FAASI !!

Shared by Sandeep Kodandapani

Ultimate Dialogue - technically True

Ek baar commit huva to, main khud ki baat bhi nahi sunta!!! --> By SQL
-
From Kumar B M

Hearing Aid

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test that husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response so, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey,what's for dinner?"

Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

It’s Quite Humorous , but it depicts the reality

The problem may not be with the other one as we always think, could be very much within us, however often we end up blaming others !

Financial Management with example :)

A beggar to another beggar: I had a grand dinner at the Taj yesterday. How? The other beggar asked. First beggar: Someone gave me a Rs. 100/- note yesterday. I went to the Taj and ordered dinner worth Rs. 1,000/- and enjoyed the dinner. When the bill came, I told that I had no money. The Manager called the policeman and handed me over to him. I gave the Rs. 100/- note to the policeman and he set me free.

A wonderful example of financial management indeed!

PS: You are innovative as long as you keep your source secret! This is just another sharing :) 

Santa-Banta

Santa and Banta were @ CCD
Santa : If i drink coffee, i ca'nt sleep!!!!
Banta : With me it's the opposite.if i sleep i can't drink coffee.

Last Day!

Teach each day as your last day!
One day you will be right :)

Shared by Shridhar Hegde!