The Director noticed the tears in the y outh's eyes, asked: " Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
The Director noticed the tears in the y outh's eyes, asked: " Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Recycling
People spend time for earning money and the same money is spent for spending time !
Monday, November 29, 2010
Good Quotes!
- Now I'm trying to read an article about how to RELAX, but I keep falling ASLEEP....
- Everyone makes mistakes but only ur girlfriends, wife n boss hav gifted talent of finding,remembering and reminding it to U! :)
- I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words!
- I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Reasons not to mess with children.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like..'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture..
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty..'
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples..'
Shared by Shridhar Hegde
Have fun :)
Friday, October 22, 2010
Lost
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.
She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me Sir, can you help me? I promised a friend, I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
''You must be an engineer," said the lady balloonist. "I am", replied the man. 'How did you know?'
''Well", answered the lady in the balloon, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip even more."
The engineer below responded, "You must be in Top Management." ''I am", replied the lady balloonist, "but, how did you know?''
"Well," said the Engineer, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you, to solve your problems."
Friday, October 8, 2010
The Amazing Miracles
By - Anil Chandra
The priest woke early as was his wont, and began his prayers, his devotions, and his work for his diocese. He was its spiritual light and was held in high esteem by his religious colleagues and the people. Before his door, there grew a small tree planted by his own hands; he always watered it before sunrise, contemplating the sun as it burst forth from the horizon to shed its rays on its green leaves.
As the priest finished watering the tree that morning and was about to return inside, he found himself faced by a crowed of sad and worried-looking people, one of whom plucked up the courage to address him in beseeching tones:
"Father! Save us! No one but you can save us! My wife is on her death bed and she is asking for your blessing before she breathes her last."
"Where is she?"
"In a village nearby. The mounts are ready," replied the man, pointing to two saddled ponies standing there waiting for them.
"I am willing to go, my sons," said the priest, "Wait a while so that I may arrange my affairs and tell my breathren and then return to you."
"There's no time!" they all said as one voice. 'The woman is dying. We may well reach her too late. Come with us right away if you would be a true benefactor to us and a merciful saviour to the dying woman. It is not far and we shall be there and back at your house before sunset."
"Well, then, let us go at once!" the priest agreed with enthusiastic fervour. He went up to the two ponies followed by the crowd. Mounting him on one of them while the husband of the dying woman mounted the other, they raced off.
For hours on end they pounded the ground, passing from one country road to another, with the priest frequently asking, "when would the village of the unfortunate woman come" and the men goading on the pony saying, "we're almost there!" It wasn't till noon that the village came into sight. They entered it to the accompaniment of barking dogs and the welcome of its inhabit¬ants, and they all made their way to the woman's hut. They led the priest through the front verandah to a large room where he found a woman stretched out on a bed, her eyes staring up at the ceiling. He called to her, but no reply came from her, for she was at death's door. So he began to call down blessings upon her, and scarcely had he finished when she heaved a great sigh and fell into a deep fit of sobbing, so that the priest thought she was about to give up the ghost.
Instead her eyelies fluttered open, her gaze cleared and she turned and murmured, "Where am I?"
"You are in your house," answered the astonished priest. "Get me a drink of water."
"Bring the pitcher!" shouted her relatives around her. "Bring the water jar!"
They raced off and brought back a jug of water from which the woman took a long drink. Then she belched heartily and said, "Isn't there any food? I'm hungry!"
Everyone in the house set about bringing her food. Under the astonished gaze of those around her, the woman began devouring the food; then she got up from her bed and proceeded to walk about the house completely fit and well again. At this the people prostrated themselves before the priest, covering his hands and feet in kisses and shouting, "O Saint of God! Your blessing has alighted on the house and brought the dead woman back to life! What can we possibly give you as a token of the thanks we owe you, as an acknowledgment of our gratitude?"
"I have done nothing that deserves reward or thanks," replied the priest, still bewildered by the incident. "It is God's power that has done it."
"Call it what you will," said the master of the house. "It is at all events a miracle which God wished to be accomplished through your hands, O Saint of God. You have alighted at our lowly abode, and this brings both great honour and good fortune to us. You must let us undertake the obligations of hospitality in such manner as our circumstances allow."
He ordered a quiet room to be made ready for his guest and there he lodged him. Whenever the priest asked leave to depart, the master of the house swore by all that was most holy to him that he would not allow his auspicious guest to go before three days were up—the very least hospitality which should be accorded to someone who had saved his wife's life. During this time he showed him much attention and honour. When the period of hospitality came to an end he saddled a mount and loaded it up with presents of home-made sweet meats, lentils, and vegetables; in addition he pressed rupees twenty for the church funds in the priest's hand. Hardly had he escorted him to the door and helped him on to the pony than a man appeared, puffing and out of breath, who threw himself down beside the priest.
"Father," he pleaded, "the story of your miracle has reached all the villages around. I have an uncle who is like a father to me and who is at death's door. He is hoping to have your blessing, so let not his soul depart from him before his hope is fulfilled!"
"But, my son, I am all ready to return home," the priest replied uncertainly.
"This is something that won't take any time. I shall not let you go till you've been with me to see my uncle."
"And where is this uncle of yours?" asked the priest.
"Very near here—a few minutes' distance."
The priest saw nothing for it but to comply. They journeyed for an hour before they reached the next village. There he saw a house like the first one with a dying man on a bed, his family around him veering between hope and despair. No sooner had the priest approached and called down his blessing on the patient than the miracle occurred: the dying man rose to his feet calling for food and water. The people, astounded at what had occurred, swore by everything most dear that they must discharge the duties of hospitality towards this holy man—a stay of three full days.
The period of hospitality passed with the priest enjoying every honour and attention. Then, as they were escorting him out of the village loaded down with gifts, a man from a third village came along and asked him to come and visit it, even if only for a little while, and give it the blessing of one whose fame had spread throughout all the district.
The priest was quite unable to escape from the man, who led the pony off by its bit and brought the priest to a house in his village. There they found a young man who was a cripple; hardly had the priest touched him than he was up and about on his two feet, among the cheers and jubiliation of young and old. All the people swore that the duties of hospitality must be accorded to the miracle-maker, which they duly did in fine style; three nights no less, just as the others had done. When this time was up they went to their guest and added yet more presents to those he already had, until his donkey was almost collapsing under them. They also presented him with a more generous gift of money than he had received in the former villages so that he had by now collected close to rupees three hundred. He put them in a purse which he hid under his clothes. He then mounted the pony and asked his hosts to act as an escort for him to his village, so they all set off with him, walking behind his pony.
"Our hearts shall be your protection, our lives your ransom," they said. "We shall not leave you till we have handed you over to your own people, you are as precious to us as gold."
"I am causing you some inconvenience," said the priest. "The way is not safe and, as you know, criminal gangs are rife in the region."
"Truly," they replied, "hereabouts they kidnap men in broad daylight."
"Even the government is powerless to remove this widespread evil," said the priest. "I was told that gangs of kidnappers waylay buses in the countryside, run their eyes over the passengers, and carry off with them anyone at all prosperous-looking, so that they can afterwards demand a large ransom from his relatives. Sometimes it happens with security men actually in the buses. I heard that once two policemen were among the passengers on one of these buses when it was stopped by the gang; when the selected passenger appealed for help to the two policemen they were so scared of the robbers that all they said to the kidnapped man was, "Go away and let's get the bus going."
The people laughed and said to the priest, "Do not be afraid! So long as you are with us, you will dismount only when you arrive safely back in your village."
"I know how gallant you are! You have overwhelmed me with honour and generosity!"
"Don't say such a thing—you are very precious to us!" They went on walking behind the priest, extolling his virtues and describing in detail his miracles. He listened to their words, and thought about all that had occurred. Finally, he exclaimed, "Truly, it is remarkable the things that have happened to me in these last few days! Is it possible that these miracles are due solely to my blessing?"
"And do you doubt it?"
"I am not a prophet that I should accomplish all that in nine days. Rather it is you who have made me do these miracles!"
"We?" they all said in one voice. "What do you mean?"
"Yes, you are the prime source."
"Who told you this?" they murmured, exchanging glances.
"It is your Faith," continued the priest with conviction. "Faith has made you achieve all this. You do not know the power that lies in the soul of the believer. Faith is a power, my sons! Faith is a power! Miracles are buried deep within your hearts, like water inside rock, and only faith can cause them to burst forth!" He continued talking in this vein while the people behind him shook their heads. He became more and more impassioned and did not notice that they had begun to slink off, one after the other. It was only when he reached the boundaries of his village that he came back to earth, turned round to thank his escort, and was rendered speechless with astonishment at finding himself alone.
His surprise did not last long, for he immediately found his family, his brother priests and superiors rushing towards him, hugging him and kissing his hand, as tears of joy and emotion flowed down their cheeks. One of them embraced him, saying, "You have returned safely to us at last! They kept their promise. Let them have the money so long as they have given you back, father! To us, father, you are more priceless than any money!"
The priest, catching the word 'money', exclaimed, "What money?"
"The money we paid to the gang."
"What gang?"
"The one that kidnapped you. At first they wouldn't be satisfied with less than, ten thousand rupees, saying that you were worth your weight in gold. We pleaded with them to take half and eventually they accepted, and so we paid them a ransom of five thousand rupees from the church funds."
"Five thousand?" shouted the priest. "You paid that for me!— they told you I'd been kidnapped?"
"Yes, three days after you disappeared some people came to us and said that a gang kidnapped you one morning as you were watering the tree by your door. They swore you were doomed unless your ransom was paid to them—if we paid you'd be handed over safe and sound."
The priest considered these words, recalling to himself all that had occurred.
"Indeed, that explains it", he said, as though talking to himself. "Those dead people, the sick, and the cripples who jumped up at my blessing! What mastery!"
His relatives again came forward, examining his/ body and clothes as they said joyfully, "Nothing is of any consequence, father, except your safety. We hope they didn't treat you badly during your captivity. What did they do to you?"
In bewilderment he answered: 'They made me work miracles— miracles that were manufactured."
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Its all about Rajani
Have you heard the one about how Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone?
- Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
- Rajanikanth can slam a revolving door.
- Rajanikanth destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
- Rajanikanth has counted to infinity, twice.
- Rajanikanth once got into a knife-fight. The knife lost.
- Rajanikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
- There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Rajanikanth lives in Chennai.
- Rajanikanth does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
- Rajanikanth knows Victoria's secret.
- Water boils faster when Rajanikanth stares at it.
- Rajanikanth kills two stones with one bird.
- Google won't find Rajanikanth because you don't find Rajanikanth; Rajanikanth finds you.
- Rajanikanth can answer a missed call.
- Rajanikanth can speak Braille.
- Rajanikanth can dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks.
- Rajanikanth calls Voldemort by his name.
- Chuck Norris once met Rajanikanth. The result - He was reduced to a joke on the internet.
- Rajanikanth’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.
- Rajanikanth grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
- Rajanikanth once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
- Rajanikanth doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
- Rajanikanth knows what women really want.
- Rajanikanth doesn't need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates.
- Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajanikanth”.
- There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was feeling cold, so brought the sun closer to heat the earth up.
Few more search results
- Rajinikanth can build a snowman….. out of rain.
- Rajinikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
- Rajinikanth can drown a fish.
- When Rajinikanth enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,……… …. he turns the dark off.
- When Rajinikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajinikanth and Rajinikanth.
- RajiniKanth killed the dead sea.
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajinikanth has allowed to live.
- Rajnikanth Got the Driving License at the age of 16 seconds
- It takes Rajnikant 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes.
- Rajanikath also deleted recycle bin.
- Rajnikanth's email id – gmail@rajnikanth.com
- Rajnikanth gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Monday, September 27, 2010
CID Version Ending of 3 idiots
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Ultimate Dialogue - technically True
-
From Kumar B M
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Hearing Aid
ಹೋಲಿಕೆ
ಆಸ್ಟ್ರೇಲಿಯ : ರಜನಿಕಾಂತ್ (ಯಾವತ್ತೂ ಹಿಟ್)
ದಕ್ಷಿಣ ಆಫ್ರಿಕಾ : ಶಂಕರ್ ನಾಗ್ (ಪ್ರತಿಭಾವಂತ, ಆದರೆ ದುರದೃಷ್ಟವಂತ)
ಶ್ರೀಲಂಕಾ : ಸುದೀಪ್ (ಪ್ರತಿಭಾವಂತ, ಆದ್ರೆ ಹಿಟ್ ಇಲ್ಲ)
ಪ್ರೇಮ್ : ಬಾಂಗ್ಲಾದೇಶ (ಅದೃಷ್ಟ)
ನ್ಯೂಜಿಲೆಂಡ್ : ರಮೇಶ್ (ನಿಧಾನವಾಗಿ ಸಾಧನೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಪ್ರಗತಿ)
ಇಂಗ್ಲೆಂಡ್ : ಶಿವರಾಜ್ ಕುಮಾರ್ (ಸೋಲು - ಗೆಲುವು ಮುಖ್ಯ ಅಲ್ಲ)
ಐರ್ಲೆಂಡ್ : ಗಣೇಶ್(ಪಾದಾರ್ಪಣೆಯಲ್ಲೇ ಹಿಟ್)
ಭಾರತ : ಜಗ್ಗೇಶ್ (ಕಾಮಿಡಿ ಜೊತೆಗೆ ಟ್ರ್ಯಾಜಿಡಿ)
-PC
Monday, September 6, 2010
Déjà vu
- I really didnt understand what exactly it mean :) !!!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Financial Management with example :)
A beggar to another beggar: I had a grand dinner at the Taj yesterday. How? The other beggar asked. First beggar: Someone gave me a Rs. 100/- note yesterday. I went to the Taj and ordered dinner worth Rs. 1,000/- and enjoyed the dinner. When the bill came, I told that I had no money. The Manager called the policeman and handed me over to him. I gave the Rs. 100/- note to the policeman and he set me free. |
Monday, August 30, 2010
Santa-Banta
Santa : If i drink coffee, i ca'nt sleep!!!!
Banta : With me it's the opposite.if i sleep i can't drink coffee.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
management
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
People
Those who understand binary; those who don't !
Monday, May 10, 2010
Law of Failure and Version
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Peace
Politicians divide us,
Terrorists unite us!
Friday, May 7, 2010
How many chocolates?
Ajay
A shop is selling each chocolate for 1 Re and 3 wrappers can be exchanged to one chocolate. If I have 15 Rs. How many chocolates I can get?
-PC